Fearing the Unknown

I don't understand people, guys especially. I guess I should be used to losing people by now, and I used to think i could blink it away and shake it off. Now I know it's not like that anymore.
I'm always going to feel, and as long as I feel the relationship while it's there, I will also inevitably feel it when it's gone.
 You can never replace people.
 What I really mean is that I will never replace him, no matter what I do. There is never going to be another him.
I don't know how much longer I could have been greedy, continuing to talk to him, even though I was almost for certain he was with someone else. I don't like losing people...so of course, letting him go- someone I never really even had (who ever he is) was hard. Even now, hours later while he's not speaking to me, I feel the slap of pain across my lungs.
There's nothing I can do to fix it.
 People are who they are, he is a very handsome, sweet, liar. No matter how perfect they are for you, if the both of you have no trust, then neither of you really have anything.
We didn't have trust..rather instances of hope for trust.
I don't regret talking to him, and when I said I loved him back, I really did.
Even as I sit here curled up in my bed wishing there was an outlet for all this energy of emotion that rushes over me in every shade, I know there's no use; the only real drug was him. Yes he was a drug. Every time I talked to him, I instantly smiled and often found myself laughing.. for no real reason other than I was having a good time. That doesn't happen as much for me anymore. I don't just walk around on top of the world anymore, but when I talked to him.. I was settled. The draw in of a thick solid then fuzzy warm feeling.
Withdrawals will hit me like a wall soon I know, because I can already feel the sadness creeping up on me; the summer leaving me with the dreadful winter. I wonder if other people experience this at the same level I do? Maybe I'm too fragile, too reliant. I'm almost positive that when you lose someone, you're supposed to be left with yourself...but I'm beginning to wonder what I look like without a smile, without me.
What does he feel? Does he feel anything? Is he using distractions to suppress things, or is he simply closing the door and continuing on with his life?
Fearing the unknown has stood in my paths way for some odd 5 years now with all guys. I don't worry until one thing happens and then boom, 3 pictures I feel shaky about and it's a whirling domino effect. From that point on my brain gushes with scenarios and accusations waiting for it all to crumble like it should; fearing that there is something I don't want to know about them, fearing the UnKnown.
Unfortunately this time, everything about him was unknown, down to whether or not it was even him I was talking to.
It doesn't really matter though, who ever he was, he made me happy. No matter where his heart really belonged, or what ever lies he told me- if he did, he made me happy. Really happy. I would have accepted him honest, even if that painted a picture he was afraid I wouldn't like.
He's so wrong though, I'm going to love it no matter what. I'm going to accept it for all of it's imperfections and brush strokes dark or light. I'm the type of girl who would embellish on every fold of color and want to know why he did it that way. The type of girl who would see something unique and perfect about it each time I looked. I would want to keep it, frame it, hang it in my room.
He has no idea. I want all of him. Not just what he chooses to show me. I want to know the truth.
That's all I ever want.
Not so complicated really, because to me the truth is more important when I ask you directly, than any other time. It's not complicated because no matter what the truth is, I will accept it, work with it, and be okay with it.