Tangles of Romance

The truth is love is confusing. I never know what it really looks like for me. I wait to see his face all of the time and it always surprises me how much I take his smile for granted in the distance we spend apart. Its remarkable that even when I know I am about to turn to look into his eyes, I still, every time am blown away. Shocked by my own lack of remembrance, or maybe reminded, but I think that it's really me feeling myself fall in love with him time after time. I know that I am still young, so it might seem strange to say that he makes me feel like a kid, but he does.
  I won't lie, things with Dalton have been so hard. We have been struggling so much to find the right place with one another. I think that it has made us stronger. I just want him to unleash the inner Dalton that I know exists. The Dalton that stops second guessing how dependable I am. I won't be the pointer here though, I feel the same way about him. I wonder all the time if he could be the one, and we're not even dating, its hysterical. What's next? We'll have kids, get married and then fall out of love? Nothing seems right, love isn't at all like what Disney told me it would be. Love is really complex and complicated. There is no one answer to the many complexities of love. It flows like a fucking river at time, and others it stops in the middle of everything and the water dries up and you find yourself forgetting that there is no fun in the waterfall jump without the churning of the water.
  Sometimes I wonder how I will ever be able to sit across from two people who have fallen out of love and remind them of all of the reasons why they fell in love. How could I do that when I haven't found the real love myself?
  My trust has been ruined with the last person I was with, and yet when I am before Dalton, there is no worry in the world, I trust him with every fiber in my body... I feel a connection with him that I have felt with no other. This might be the Disney shit.

Why Crying is Good for Us

Whats wrong with me? I am twenty years old sitting in my apartment at school tears pouring down my face. Love does some crazy things to you. You know I've always thought that you shouldn't stick with someone who makes you cry more than once. Isn't it inevitable though? If we all went by that, wouldn't we all be so lonely? I guess we wouldn't be crying tho. Oh if my dad saw me right now he would be so disappointed in me. Why am I putting myself into a situation that leaves me to get hurt? I already feel a little better, crying does wonders. 
I started to put my tears to good use and distracted myself with a little tear information.

Did you know that the chemicals that build up during emotional stress are literally "cried out" when we cry? There is also a difference in the makeup of our tears that come from pain, and tears that come from emotion. The emotional types of tears are embedded with higher levels manganese and protein. Manganese helps to keep your blood pressure in line. It is shown that 88.8 percent of people done in a particular study confessed to feel relieved and less stressed out after a "good cry"; this might be due to  It can also help with boosting your immunity. 

Sources:
"Why Crying Is Good for Your Health." Mirror. N.p., n.d. Web. 15 Apr. 2014.
"Why We Cry: The Truth About Tearing Up." WebMD. WebMD, n.d. Web. 15 Apr. 2014.

Sophomore year is almost over

 I was trying to figure things out for myself and who I am. I definitely feel like I am in a part of my life where the things that I want and who I am, are being molded a little more everyday. My values are starting to change this year and I have noticed myself viewing the world differently. It is hard deciding where you stand on everything, and that is what growing up and college forces you to constantly think about. Will you hold the door for the stranger or will you stay focused on your own success and plow through? Will you stick with your chosen major? Are you conservative or liberal? How religious are you now that you’re on your own? What foods do you choose to eat? How often will you exercise? Do you clean your living space often or let it stay dirty? Are you going to grad school? What are you doing with your life? Do you have a partner of any sort? What things or people are you most committed to in life? Who are you and where are you going in life? And that’s how I feel most everyday, and it weighs on me. 

Look at me, 2 years in and I am still finding myself. These are the questions that make me wonder how people get married at 20 years old.