:)

I just had a major realization today. Reading through some of my old stuff, it makes me laugh now. You see, I spent all this time really defining the type of man I wanted. 

August 30th:  "It was nice that he knew who he was and what he wanted. I think it surprised me more that once I had to opportunity to be with him, it was just that confidence that turned me away. I think I saw that he was all that he was ever going to be, right now. He had no more life altering events. He didn't need me. I want to be with someone who is growing everyday. Someone who wants to be something more as a person. Someone who is always striving to reach a goal. Constantly at work to improve themselves- in a critical manner but not a destructive one. I see that ambition in my dad and l guess that's how I define a good man. I want someone who aspires. Someone who isn't lazy, someone who is reaching for the stars and all the while smiling." 

   I mean really narrowing things down.

 " I hope I dont ever loose sight of what I want in a man. I hope I find someone who truly loves me. I know things are getting confusing and will probably get even more confusing when school starts back but I want to have a level head about guys. I think Harris was a good preparation for school.. I texted him today and told him I was close to his hometown and he pretty much blew me off. Typical. Haha remind me not to text him anymore. Or to go out with him, he's such a tool. 

Well I don't really have much to say.. Me and Ben have been texting lately.. And he's a good texter, wonder what else he's good at. Heheh. I'm not sure how I feel about him anymore tho. Like the butterflies aren't completely there. I think it has a lot to do with me still feeling like he belongs to corrie. And I haven't seen him in a long time so it's hard to feel that way. But I do know that I once really liked him so I can't pass up the chance to at least be friends with him again." 

   And I did date a lot of people this summer, but the main thing I found was that almost doesn't count. I think they all taught me what I do and don't want perfectly. And then when I met Dalton, it didn't take me long to figure out that he was the one I really wanted. 

  "I'm starting to get really close to Dalton and as much as it makes me want to run away, I can tell I won't. Relationships like these don't come everyday. It's the type if relationship that you easily become addicted to and love. What's really alarming to me is how nurturing his demeanor is. It makes me wonder why I'm so reliant on that trait in a relationship. Does that mean I'm missing the nurture in my life that I need so I seek it out in friendships? Or does it mean that he's like my father? Quite frankly his gestures and morals mock my dad's. I wonder how they would get along. Would dad recognize Dalton's nature in himself? Would he respect him?"

  I may not have known then why, but looking back at some of the things I wrote, I know now exactly why. He is my ideal guy, whether he realizes that or not. He's everything and more to me.