Today is...patient. I'm standing on line for my cheeseburger at the ballpark
café. Hoping I don't run into Crazy. Not that he would honestly be here on a
Saturday morning. In fact, I don't even think he has a meal plan so none of my
worries are remotely valid. Yet I still find myself fearing the moment when I
do see him again, I just know ill have my guard down and do something
wrong. That is why I'm constantly walking around with a wall guarding me
wherever I go on campus. I don't want to see him because I know that it will
reinforce that we are no longer together.
I love people who can just be themselves. Do what they feel like doing, say what they feel within reason and not fear being judged. People who are just who they are. It's hard for me to imagine ever riding a long board, even though I think it would be fun, I don't have the courage to parade it around campus. I wish I did. So it never fails when I see someone with a long board, I crave to know them. I respect them. I want them to be a part of my life, because those are the people who succeed in life. They have this easy going air about them, in the way they just glide past me swooshing their boards from left to right. I feel the motion with them, calmly swaying back and forth. That's how they live, they just easily glide through life occasionally giving a little push with their foot, but never loosing control.
I guess that's what I hate the most about break ups, they involve two people. You have no control over the other person; you can't dictate how they react. You can't make them say things, and as a result, you can't control where or how fast you're going. You can't even own a long board.
All you can do is walk. No way to calmly get by. I hate they motions of my walk. They're jagged rough stomps and trips intertwined together. I don't any control, my feet just flap against the brick ground as they wish, guided by whatever amount of restraint or freedom I feel at the moment. Everything's guided by emotion, and the majority of the calmness I do portray is artificial. It's all pulled up to the surface from my out going closet buried deep within, and sadly, it often just attempts placid.
I love people who can just be themselves. Do what they feel like doing, say what they feel within reason and not fear being judged. People who are just who they are. It's hard for me to imagine ever riding a long board, even though I think it would be fun, I don't have the courage to parade it around campus. I wish I did. So it never fails when I see someone with a long board, I crave to know them. I respect them. I want them to be a part of my life, because those are the people who succeed in life. They have this easy going air about them, in the way they just glide past me swooshing their boards from left to right. I feel the motion with them, calmly swaying back and forth. That's how they live, they just easily glide through life occasionally giving a little push with their foot, but never loosing control.
I guess that's what I hate the most about break ups, they involve two people. You have no control over the other person; you can't dictate how they react. You can't make them say things, and as a result, you can't control where or how fast you're going. You can't even own a long board.
All you can do is walk. No way to calmly get by. I hate they motions of my walk. They're jagged rough stomps and trips intertwined together. I don't any control, my feet just flap against the brick ground as they wish, guided by whatever amount of restraint or freedom I feel at the moment. Everything's guided by emotion, and the majority of the calmness I do portray is artificial. It's all pulled up to the surface from my out going closet buried deep within, and sadly, it often just attempts placid.
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